Chapter Three

Bitta Froot

When Bitta’s dear old Nana had told her to find herself a man, she probably didn’t mean it like this…

Originally from Sweden, Bitta Froot had come to New Zealand on a student exchange program. She became head ‘lab rat’ for a brewmaster known only as ‘The Prof’. In exchange, Sweden got some really nice Colby cheddar and a picture of Sam Neil.

Tonight was her night off from pushing the broom, and she was on her way home from vegan book club.

Dappled by the surrounding flora, she sees lights in the sky followed by a BOOM! Peering through the murky haze of the Tahuna Fog, she spies a crazy naked guy … muttering “The seeds … I must find the seeds …”

And then, in a slower, more confused voice, he asks every second tree if it has seen his pants. The maniac looks her in the eyes and says, “Take me to your leader,” then… “Someone needs to feed my cat,” then… burps, farts, hiccups and passes out.

Well, this guy’s a real charmer, she’s thinks to herself as he slumps unconscious at her feet.

She throws him over her handlebars and begins pedalling home. The Prof may have a spare pair of pants back at the lab.