Chapter eleven
toff secret
24 hours later.
Torch beams cut through the misty Nelson air, casting reflections in the forest reminiscent of an alien landscape.
‘How much further, Agent Scolder?’ asks Agent Muddly, impatience noticeable in his voice.
‘There, Muddly! Look!’ insists Scolder, ‘you can see the smoke!’
The NZSIS (NZ’s Secretly Intelligent Service) has sent their ‘weird stuff’ experts to investigate strange goings on at the Nelson outer limits. Explosions, lights in the sky, and now, a fire in what appears to be a secret underground beer laboratory. OK, not that weird for Nelson, but weird for the rest of New Zealand.
‘Looks like we’re too late, Muddly; whoever started this fire has fled the scene.’
Sifting through the smoking remains, they find evidence of a colossal fight using energy weapons and more than a small dose of alien DNA.
‘This is the same DNA found in Huntly, Raglan, and Ashburton, Scolder. The creature has been hitting the freaky energy hot spots of New Zealand.’ muses Agent Muddly, his ballpoint pen dripping with viscous liquid that looks like the contents of a glow stick.
‘And I’m getting Hopsonica readings that are off the charts,’ adds Scolder excitedly. ‘The same readings we recorded just before the Prime Minister disappeared. With this level of activity, I’m unsure how long the resignation cover story will hold.’
High-profile Kiwis were disappearing in what seemed to be a series of alien abductions. Muddly and Scolder were investigating the abductee’s whereabouts and why they’d been taken.
‘Wait, can you smell that, Muddly?’
‘It’s like burnt toffee.’
‘Whoever fled this scene was making a Cinder Toffee Stout. And, Muddly, it looks like they left in a hurry.’
“First, The Prime Minister disappears. Now, we find Cinder Toffee. The question is: where is ‘the Cinder’ now? The froth is out there, Scolder. Wait… is this chocolate?
Muddly puts a chunky brown lump in his mouth and nibbles the edge of it.
‘Not chocolate. 100% not chocolate.’
‘Did you just eat rat droppings again?’
“I did. Yes. They’re the size of bliss balls - that is one big rat.”
‘Aliens, giant rats, mad scientists… to connect this to the PM’s disappearance, we’ll need forensics to piece together this scene.’
‘And I need mouthwash and a toothbrush.’
Are Doc, Gav, Bitta and Stu OK? Last we saw them; the Muntoid had them staring down the barrel of a couple of guns! What started the fire? Where are they now? Have you put the pieces together? If you have, can you tell me what the hell is going on? Is this a result of a writer’s strike? Oh crap, they got ChatGPT to write this one, didn’t they? Is that why it feels like a dodgy remix of what we already know with X-files added? Guess we’ll have to wait until the next release to find out if anyone knows what’s happening… feel’s like the writer has no clue. Or does he? And if he is writing this, why is he referring to himself in the third person? Does he need therapy?
‘Muddly, look… the Ring™ doorbell is still intact… we may yet be able to see what happened here.’
Well, that was lucky! Saved by the bloody (door) bell!